Child discipline that is effective is always based on treating the child in a respectful way. Parents need to be in charge of children in non-harsh, respectful, firm, loving, and fair ways in order for the children to respond well to the discipline. If parents are disrespectfully in charge, the children may react with stubborn, retaliatory, or manipulative expressions of anger or with temper tantrums.
By being in charge, I'm referring to being the one or ones who are in authority, in command, managing, directing, running the show, responsible, and taking charge.
For a discipline method to be effective, it has to be a respectful one. When I say effective, I mean the child's compliance is achieved, without any alienation of the child from the parent. One particularly effective discipline method is Counting. As you likely know, Counting is the numeric warning given to children that if they don't "listen up" soon enough and do what they are told by the time you reach the "magic" number, they will be given consequences.
The best and maybe easiest time to teach children that you are the one in charge is right when they first try out being defiant (typically from six to ten months old). Counting, amazingly enough, works equally well with young babies like this (after they've been taught) as it does with bigger-than-you children and all sizes in-between. Even infants can understand the friendly tone of warning that accompanies Counting.
Another effective discipline aspect is that the functional consequence given must nullify the benefits the child earns through the commission of the offense. In other words, the consequence must be tough enough for the child to think the misbehavior was not worth it, but not so tough that the child feels disrespected. For instance, groundings have to be long enough and short enough to produce something near the middle of (1) the child's perception that the benefit was certainly worth the consequence and (2) the child's detesting of your innards. My personal Grounding Standardization Method and my Grounding Formula come in handy whenever Grounding is a fitting consequence. (Consequences should also fit the offense.)
Parents have multitudes of discipline techniques from which to choose. When assessing each one, it's helpful to remember the two most important criteria: (1) the use of the technique shows respect to the child, and (2) it appropriately and sufficiently, but not overly, gives a reasonable consequence for the child's offending behavior.
By being in charge, I'm referring to being the one or ones who are in authority, in command, managing, directing, running the show, responsible, and taking charge.
For a discipline method to be effective, it has to be a respectful one. When I say effective, I mean the child's compliance is achieved, without any alienation of the child from the parent. One particularly effective discipline method is Counting. As you likely know, Counting is the numeric warning given to children that if they don't "listen up" soon enough and do what they are told by the time you reach the "magic" number, they will be given consequences.
The best and maybe easiest time to teach children that you are the one in charge is right when they first try out being defiant (typically from six to ten months old). Counting, amazingly enough, works equally well with young babies like this (after they've been taught) as it does with bigger-than-you children and all sizes in-between. Even infants can understand the friendly tone of warning that accompanies Counting.
Another effective discipline aspect is that the functional consequence given must nullify the benefits the child earns through the commission of the offense. In other words, the consequence must be tough enough for the child to think the misbehavior was not worth it, but not so tough that the child feels disrespected. For instance, groundings have to be long enough and short enough to produce something near the middle of (1) the child's perception that the benefit was certainly worth the consequence and (2) the child's detesting of your innards. My personal Grounding Standardization Method and my Grounding Formula come in handy whenever Grounding is a fitting consequence. (Consequences should also fit the offense.)
Parents have multitudes of discipline techniques from which to choose. When assessing each one, it's helpful to remember the two most important criteria: (1) the use of the technique shows respect to the child, and (2) it appropriately and sufficiently, but not overly, gives a reasonable consequence for the child's offending behavior.
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