Do you have problems saying "no" without feeling bad? It's not just you, in fact even a lot of naturally assertive people typically find themselves saying "yes" when they really want to say "no".
Clearly, there can be a number of scenarios where you may not have a choice in the matter, for example in the event that your manager demands that you undertake a task and its part of your job. In any event, there are several occasions where we can refuse without any facing dreadful consequences but yet we say "yes" anyway. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Difficult
The simple reply to why it's so challenging for a lot of people to say "no" is that it makes them feel guilty. This sense of guilt often come from mistaken beliefs about saying "no", such as:
- Saying "no" is impolite
- Saying "no" is self serving
- Saying "no" is unkind
- Saying "no" will make folks hate me
- My wants aren't as worthwhile as another person's preferences
Observe that every one of these values are concerned with pleasing people and being regarded well by people. Putting it simply, you're giving another individual the ability to govern your actions rather than accepting responsibility for your own selections.
A Simple Method To Say No Without Feeling Obligated
If you want to be able to decline a request without feeling guilt, then you'll have to substitute these attitudes with better ones, such as:
- Just like people possess the right to ask, you possess the right to refuse
- Whenever you say "no", you're refusing the request and not the person
- Almost everyone is understanding enough to accept a "no" response
- Your needs are just as worthwhile as other's wishes
Not surprisingly, you're not probably going to successfully modify your attitudes overnight. Swapping those old attitudes with these new ones is going to take time, but the important thing is to continue applying them.
The Art Of Saying "No" In A Nutshell
Naturally, even with the appropriate thinking about saying "no" it can remain tricky to verbalize it if the circumstance takes place. These are some practical rules of thumb that will make it less challenging you to refuse a request without too much trouble:
1. Keep it simple
Whenever you're saying "no" to people, it's a good idea to be straightforward about it and keep it brief. You don't have to give a lengthy justification to support it.
2. Be well mannered about it
You will get the refusal across more smoothly by being polite about it, for example you could say "I appreciate you for asking, but..."
3. Don't apologize or make excuses
When you're refusing a request, you don't need to say sorry or make explanations to explain yourself. You possess every right to say "no" without giving an explanation for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Avoid saying "I can't" or pointing to external circumstances for your refusal. Make it clear that it's your decision instead.
5. Accept the outcomes
In rare cases, the person you're saying "no" to may be momentarily displeased with you but you have got to deal with that. It's much better than harming the relationship with resentment in the long term.
All things considered, learning how to refuse a request without feeling guilt can be testing. Implementing these principles of saying "no" can make the process easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly recommend enlisting yourself in an official assertiveness training study course.
Clearly, there can be a number of scenarios where you may not have a choice in the matter, for example in the event that your manager demands that you undertake a task and its part of your job. In any event, there are several occasions where we can refuse without any facing dreadful consequences but yet we say "yes" anyway. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Difficult
The simple reply to why it's so challenging for a lot of people to say "no" is that it makes them feel guilty. This sense of guilt often come from mistaken beliefs about saying "no", such as:
- Saying "no" is impolite
- Saying "no" is self serving
- Saying "no" is unkind
- Saying "no" will make folks hate me
- My wants aren't as worthwhile as another person's preferences
Observe that every one of these values are concerned with pleasing people and being regarded well by people. Putting it simply, you're giving another individual the ability to govern your actions rather than accepting responsibility for your own selections.
A Simple Method To Say No Without Feeling Obligated
If you want to be able to decline a request without feeling guilt, then you'll have to substitute these attitudes with better ones, such as:
- Just like people possess the right to ask, you possess the right to refuse
- Whenever you say "no", you're refusing the request and not the person
- Almost everyone is understanding enough to accept a "no" response
- Your needs are just as worthwhile as other's wishes
Not surprisingly, you're not probably going to successfully modify your attitudes overnight. Swapping those old attitudes with these new ones is going to take time, but the important thing is to continue applying them.
The Art Of Saying "No" In A Nutshell
Naturally, even with the appropriate thinking about saying "no" it can remain tricky to verbalize it if the circumstance takes place. These are some practical rules of thumb that will make it less challenging you to refuse a request without too much trouble:
1. Keep it simple
Whenever you're saying "no" to people, it's a good idea to be straightforward about it and keep it brief. You don't have to give a lengthy justification to support it.
2. Be well mannered about it
You will get the refusal across more smoothly by being polite about it, for example you could say "I appreciate you for asking, but..."
3. Don't apologize or make excuses
When you're refusing a request, you don't need to say sorry or make explanations to explain yourself. You possess every right to say "no" without giving an explanation for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Avoid saying "I can't" or pointing to external circumstances for your refusal. Make it clear that it's your decision instead.
5. Accept the outcomes
In rare cases, the person you're saying "no" to may be momentarily displeased with you but you have got to deal with that. It's much better than harming the relationship with resentment in the long term.
All things considered, learning how to refuse a request without feeling guilt can be testing. Implementing these principles of saying "no" can make the process easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly recommend enlisting yourself in an official assertiveness training study course.
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