In your parent teenager relationship it is very natural to want to express your approval and support of your teenagers efforts. Part of your lexicon of phrases that you naturally use may include telling your teenager how proud you are of them and their accomplishments. Whilst the intent is only good, inadvertently, it becomes a self affirming exercise. In doing so, your teenager fails to get the full credit that is due to him.
Here's why.
Let's say that you had been working your butt off for several years aiming to land a promotion in your company. Despite the fact that there are almost five hundred applicants for the one position, you are successful. You are ecstatic. The next day the CEO of the company tells you that your credentials were far superior to all the other applicants. Naturally your elation transforms into feelings of great pride and accomplishment.
Now supposing you contacted a friend to tell her the good news. She responds by saying:"I am really proud of you". How would that go down with you? I suggest that your friend's response, whilst well meaning, would cause you to feel that the emphasis has shifted from your great accomplishment to her feelings of pride.
Most likely it would have made a world of difference had she said something like: "wow, what an achievement, you must feel so proud of yourself?"
Your friend's response comes across like her saying that she herself had a role to play in your achievement and she was cashing in on your success.
So what is the lesson we can gain from this scenario to implement in your parent teenager relationship?
In your parent teenager relationship, you as the parent are in the position to serve. Therefore your focus ought to be on the growth, development and well being of your child. Naturally you will feel a sense of pride as you witness your child's achievements. However that should not detract from affirming the accomplishments of your teenager.
Here's why.
Let's say that you had been working your butt off for several years aiming to land a promotion in your company. Despite the fact that there are almost five hundred applicants for the one position, you are successful. You are ecstatic. The next day the CEO of the company tells you that your credentials were far superior to all the other applicants. Naturally your elation transforms into feelings of great pride and accomplishment.
Now supposing you contacted a friend to tell her the good news. She responds by saying:"I am really proud of you". How would that go down with you? I suggest that your friend's response, whilst well meaning, would cause you to feel that the emphasis has shifted from your great accomplishment to her feelings of pride.
Most likely it would have made a world of difference had she said something like: "wow, what an achievement, you must feel so proud of yourself?"
Your friend's response comes across like her saying that she herself had a role to play in your achievement and she was cashing in on your success.
So what is the lesson we can gain from this scenario to implement in your parent teenager relationship?
In your parent teenager relationship, you as the parent are in the position to serve. Therefore your focus ought to be on the growth, development and well being of your child. Naturally you will feel a sense of pride as you witness your child's achievements. However that should not detract from affirming the accomplishments of your teenager.
About the Author:
Are you feeling tired and frustrated in dealing with your teenager? Do you sometimes find yourself having one way conversations and feel disrespected? Parenting expert, Paul Saver, is giving away 7 FREE parenting videos that are formulated to help you transform your parent teenager relationship. Just click on the link to get your free videos to get your relationship back on track.
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